This is a Joke— Do not attempt!!!!

Depending on how much you want to loose, you can choose but I would suggest that you make sure that you have very good health insurance first.man-shadow_pic

1. If you have a lot of money and are able to do something called cryosleep then the first one is for you. You will need a ship that can go to the center of the galaxy and find the supermassive black hole. As you get closer, you will become thin and tall. This is due to the gravity that is making you a piece of spaghetti. Then you will find that everything in your body starts going snap. This is because you get closer the gravity gets stronger and you begin to get ripped apart – so if you do this, you may not make it back.

2. If you have really good health insurance, and I mean really good health insurance and need to lose at least 300 pounds, then this is for you. Go to False Bay South Africa, and take a boat out to Dyer Island. There is a large seal colony there. Just before dawn, cut both hands make sure that the seals are in the water, playing and go out to the 40 feet deep area and jump in. A Great White (remember this is a joke) will come up and take a bite. 50 pounds gone and get to the hospital really fast.  crcfy9-wiaells_

3. If you can’t afford to go to South Africa, then go for a ride up the Amazon River. Now most people don’t think that a ride up the Amazon River would help you lose weight but it will. The Bull Shark is known to go up her, and there are the Piranha that will come up and help with the weight loss problem.piranha-eat-cows-1

4. If you need only a little bit of weight gone, when you take a shower don’t let the shampoo run down your back — wash with dish soap. Shampoo is known to ‘increase body and volume’ where dish soap is known ‘to remove fat and grease’.

5. If the doctors are saying that you need to exercise more, have a friend of yours get your favorite treat or food. Get a pick up truck and have a person sit in the back with your favorite food. In order to get it you have to catch the truck. This for about 5 to 7 miles three times a day you will lose weight especially when you find out that what they have is a dog’s squeaky toy and the food is still in the store 4 miles away.

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