Violence …

I have strong feelings on this and I will say this right now, this is to teach and my feelings are part of that. This is not to offend but to show that we have a problem.

There is a problem with this world. We have far too much violence in the world.The recent trend of weapons being used is scary for me. I don’t fear the weapons, I fear the person that is on the other end of it. I was trained with the US Army and we went through a ton of weapons training. We had to do certifications all the time and we had constant training on how to handle things that were getting out of control.

When I was stationed in Germany, I was able to see what happens to the trust of the people when fear is added. I was there in peacetime (thank the gods) and one of the things that I remember seeing were buildings that had bullet holes in them. When I went through my initial training for on how to work with the German people, we were told that the buildings that has bullet holes in them were from World War 2. If we wanted more information we were told to be very careful on how we asked the German people of it. The reason is at the time, they still felt the shame and remembered the pain of it.

I can remember sitting in the base library trying to learn all that I could. I would find people that were willing to talk about it and realized that it was a bigger problem than I had been taught in high school. I couldn’t understand why the American kids weren’t being told the truth. One day it hit me like a brick, people didn’t want to remember in the United States.

I began to try to learn more about it and found myself in the very situation that I wanted to teach others about. One person that I was in a relationship with, felt that it was OK to use violence against me. I knew the ways that the Army had taught me to defend myself against the physical, but there was no training on the emotional.

This is not only with weapons, but domestic, emotional all forms of violence. I have seen what it can do and the damage to the receiving party. This may sound like old news to some there is a reason that I worry. I see people who don’t seem to care about the way that others are hurt.

Here are some basic facts about the different types and where we stand in the world with it. I will put the sites so you can look at it as well.

gun-death-rates-chart.jpg  ( ) This is the weapons alone.

Composition of victim-offender relationship in domestic violence victimizations, by victim's sex, 2003-2012 ( ) This is for domestic violence, the ones that get reported.

There is a danger with the domestic violence that most don’t want to see. What it does with a person’s emotional settings. When a person hears that they are ‘no good’ enough times (over months or years) they begin to think that. They will get self destructive, or start self medicating. This is where the violence becomes a repeating cycle.

I will give you an example: A young person gets told that they are not good enough by their parents due to that they didn’t make the local sports team, so they try harder. They still don’t make the team and get told it again. After hearing this several times, the person gives up. They start to believe that they aren’t good enough to succeed so they start to drink alcohol. The parents find out and tell them that they a waste on the community due to the drinking and the young person gets self destructive. They rebel. They drink even more because it is getting them the attention that the young person wants from their parents.

The parents get frustrated and kick the kid out and then they are addicted to alcohol and start breaking into houses to steal for money for alcohol. One day they find a weapon in one of the houses that they break into and they take it. That night their parents are shot to death. Who is to blame? The young person? The parents? Or the system?

In this case there is more than enough blame to go around. Let’s look at the information I gave you.

  • The young person repeatedly gets told they aren’t good enough due to not getting on a sports team
  • The young person’s parents are the ones that are saying the statements. They may also being hearing it from others in the community. They would be seeing people in the team getting all the attention from others in the school.
  • To get attention they begin to drink, alcohol.
    • At this stage, if the parents would have stepped in and tried to help instead of kicking the young person to the street, things might have gone different.
  •  By putting the young person on the street instead of trying to help the young person the parents have set them on a self destructive path.
  • If the school would have seen the initial stages they could have worked with the young person to stop the danger.

The thing is that there were warnings throughout the situation that I just put up that could have stopped the entire thing, but instead the young person would go to prison for life due to murder.

If we look at the way kids are handled now, we can see the damage being done in two different ways. One the parent is too strict and the other the young person is allowed to do what they want because the parents don’t want to ‘traumatise them’.

If a person doesn’t have balance in their life, we end up with stats like the ones that we see above.

This is where the media comes into play, they local news has long had a rule that is unwritten that if it bleeds it leads. They go from tragedy to tragedy and don’t look for the good in people. The kids aren’t getting the balance that they need and therefore they don’t have the lessons that they need.

Some parents take it to the extreme, and it is all or nothing behavior. Those people are doing as much damage as the ones that don’t care at all.

We need to get the balance back in our world. Having a time when a family sits down, the cell phones off, the tv is off and they talk would be a great start. This used to be at dinner but even that is a challenge these days. I have had people tell me that my apartment smells and I am super clean. The reason, I make real food. When I make a meal, there is no season packets, the onion is fresh, the garlic is fresh and I take the time to try.

Can we try this?


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